


The Big Book of X-Men Evolution Crack

by TriCypher



Category: X-Men Evolution
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Funny, Humor, Memes, Multi, Tumblr Memes, just for fun, only the best memes, ships, to make you laugh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-18 13:20:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28992807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TriCypher/pseuds/TriCypher
Summary: Supposed to be funny, includes ships
Relationships: Amara Aquilla/Tabitha Smith, Jean Grey/Scott Summers, John Allerdyce/Wanda Maximoff, Kitty Pryde/Piotr Rasputin, Lance Alvers/Pietro Maximoff, Ray Crisp/Jubilation Lee
Comments: 1
Kudos: 22





	1. Text Memes 1

**Author's Note:**

> Headcanon that Wanda has met Jamie and adopted him as a little brother

**Fred:** Ya’ll think lava would taste spicy?

 **Pietro:** Bro, please don’t eat lava.

 **Todd:** Freddy, you do whatever you want.

 **Lance, passing by:** Actually, since it’s made of molten rock, it would probably taste very bland and dusty.

 **Fred:** Thank you so much Lance, you understand me like no one else.

* * *

**Kurt:** You live in The Brotherhood boarding house, right?

 **Todd:** Okay, first of all, my brothers live in the boarding house. I live in the moment.

* * *

**Kitty:** You’re so tall, do you play basketball?

 **Lance:** No. Do you play mini-golf?

* * *

**Pietro:** I don’t post selfies.

 **Pietro:** I post masterpieces.

* * *

**Rogue after joining The Brotherhood:** So what do you guys do for fun around here?

 **Pietro:** Well today we tried masturbating for money

* * *

**Wanda:** I’m getting a new little brother!

 **Xavier:** Oh? Uh, who-?

 **Wanda, slamming down adoption papers:** It’s Jamie! Hand him over!

* * *

**Rogue:** _*punches Remy*_

 **Remy:** Oo kinky, do it again

* * *

**Wanda:** You’re a father now.

 **St. John, panicked:** What?!

 **Wanda:** No. I’ve- we’ve, adopted.

 **St. John:** Oh, like a puppy!

 **Wanda:** Not exactly. _*sidesteps to reveal Jamie*_

* * *

**Scott:** I love you 24/6

 **Jean:** Why not 24/7?

 **Scott:** I love god on Sundays

* * *

**Magneto:** Don’t save my name in your phone as anything sketchy.

 **Pietro:** Got it.

 **Pietro:** * _saves_ _name as ‘Not My Evil Dad’*_

* * *

**Wanda:** I have the urge to do something stupid

 **St. John:** I’m stupid, do me

**The Brotherhood:**

**Wanda:**

**St. John:** Did I just say that out loud?

* * *

**Kitty:** I like the strong but silent type!

 **Piotr:** _*quietly lifts a table*_

* * *

**Pietro:** Lance is too tall for me to kiss, what should I do?

 **Wanda:** Kick him in the shins so he falls down.

 **Todd:** Climb him like a tree

 **Tabitha:** Tackle him

 **Lance:** JUST ASK ME TO BEND DOWN-

* * *

**Kitty:** Fight me!

 **Scott, standing behind her, mouthing:** Do not.

* * *

**Kurt:** Vhy is Evan carrying around a potted plant?

 **Scott:** He said so many stupid things today that I’m making him carry that to make up for all the oxygen he wasted.

* * *

**Tabitha mentoring Amara:** This school is filled with some of the most interesting people that ever lived. Chat them up, learn about their lives.

 **Tabitha:** Then meet back here so we can make fun of them.

 **Amara:** Tabby, I have been training for this day my entire life.

* * *

**Jubilee:** Is that a praying mantis?

 **Fred:** I think so.

 **Sam:** Don’t have sex with it. It’ll eat you afterwards.

 **Lance, sarcastically:** Good to know, I was highly considering it. It was looking at me all seductive like.

 **Sam, completely serious:** That’s how they get you.

* * *

**Remy:** Do you speak French?

 **St. John:** I’ve seen a few scenes of that candlestick speaking it in Beauty and the Beast.

* * *

**Lance:** I don’t like people, except Pietro, I fucking love him.

**Kitty:**

**Lance:**

**Lance:** You’re okay too I guess.

 **Kitty:** I am your GIRLFRIEND-

* * *

**Tabitha:** Ask me how many people I’ve slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.

 **Kurt:** I saw you TWENTY MINUTES AGO.

* * *

**Pietro, scared shitless:** Wanda is washing dishes and I just heard her say “Who do you work for? Who’s your contact?!” While repeatedly pushing a glass under water.

 **Lance, unfazed:** Let her be, she’s having fun.

* * *

**Ororo:** Boys are always scared of what they want most.

[at the same time]

 **Evan:** Commitment!

 **Pietro:** Dick.

* * *

**Fred teaching Todd how to cook:** Alright, time to roast the vegetables.

 **Todd, leaning down to whisper to a zucchini:** You’re just like your father.

* * *

**Scott:** So I’m thinking we should have a spring wedding.

 **Jean:** What?

 **Scott:** It just seems better cause things will be in bloom, you know?

 **Jean:** We aren’t engaged...?

 **Scott:**...So that’s what I forgot to do today.

* * *

**Kitty:** Shut up, Pietro! No one cares about your hair!

 **Pietro:** Oh, wow, Kitty, great insult. You really wrecked me.

 **Pietro:** Almost as hard as I wrecked Lance in bed last night.

* * *

**Xavier:** I lost my good friend Erik many years ago.

 **Magneto from the other room:** Charles! Stop telling people I’m dead!

 **Xavier:** Sometimes I can still hear his voice...

* * *

**Magneto:** I locked my daughter in an asylum for her own safety, she was out of control!

 **Pietro:** You ruined a perfectly good baby is what you did!

 **Pietro, thrusting Wanda into his face:** Look at it, it’s got anxiety!

* * *

**Rogue:** Did you just flirt with me?

 **Remy:** Have been for the past year, but thanks for noticing.

* * *

**Pietro:** God, you’re such a bitch.

 **Wanda:** What did you just say?

 **Pietro:** I have an itch?

* * *

**Magneto:** Apocalypse is now stronger than ever. He’s an enormous threat to both mutant and human kind.

 **Xavier:** We have to stop him.

 **Xavier:** After we go on a cruise.

**Magneto:**

**Xavier:**

**Magneto:** What.

 **Xavier:** The tickets are non-refundable, Erik. What am I supposed to do?

* * *

**The New Mutants:** Are we in trouble?

 **Logan:** Take a guess.

 **Ray:** We’re not?

 **Logan:** Take another guess.

* * *

**Remy:** I’ll speak French between your legs.

 **Rogue:** That’s... the hottest thing I’ve ever been told.

 **Bobby:** I’m just picturing someone screaming ‘BONJOUR!’ at a penis

 **St. John:** SACRE BLEU MADEMOISELLE VAGINA HON HON HON TITTY CROISSANTS

 **Roberto:** TITTY CROISSANTS

 **Rogue:** Literally none of you should be having sex, ever.

* * *

**Lance:** _*strums guitar*_ I love you, bitch.

 **Pietro:** Oh my god...

 **Lance:** I ain’t ever gon stop loving you. BITCH.

* * *

**Bobby:** I need a glass of boneless ice

 **Hank:** You need a what?

 **Bobby:** Tasteless soup

 **Ray:** Water. He needs water.

* * *

**Logan after lecturing the New Mutants:** How did none of you hear a thing I just said?!

 **Rahne:** I’ve been zoned out for the last two and a half hours

 **Jubilee:** I got distracted halfway through

 **Sam:** Ignoring you was a conscious decision.

* * *

**Todd, talking to Mystique:** So if you’re a shapeshifter, why is your resting form blue?

 **Lance:** Omg, Todd, you can’t just ask people why they’re blue!

* * *

**X-23:** Actually, I have a speciality at picking locks.

 **X-23:** _*throws a brick through the window*_

 **X-23:** Let’s go!

* * *


	2. Text Memes 2

**Victor:** I’ve kidnapped you all and brought you here because I crave the deadliest game.

 **Amara:** _*nods*_ Knife Monopoly.

**Ray:**

**Jubilee:**

**Bobby:**

**Roberto:**

**Victor:** I was actually going to hunt you all for sport, but now I’m interested in whatever Knife Monopoly is.

* * *

**Piotr:** Now, I’m not sure if this helps, but did you know that pineapples were once so rare that King Charles posed for a portrait with one?

 **Magneto:** Colossus, how does that help us?

 **Piotr:** Well it helps me. I’ve been trying to slide that into a conversation for years.

* * *

**Pietro:** I’M IN A SHITTY MOOD, SO JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! I HATE EVERYONE!

 **The Brotherhood:** ok

 **Pietro, sadly:** Nobody recognizes my hints to smother me in affection.

* * *

**Lance:** Okay, is everyone clear on the plan?

 **Todd:** Yeah, Freddy’s gonna wet himself, I’m gonna throw up, Pietro’s going to run away, and you’re going to die.

* * *

**Pietro:** Wanda, we need to talk-

 **Wanda:** Your bedroom was already on fire when I got there.

**Pietro:**

**Wanda:** Wait what.

* * *

**Logan:** Gentle reminder to not eat too much candy before bed, Half-Pint.

 **Kitty:** Nah.

 **Logan:** This was a gentle reminder yet your words of defiance bring me ungodly amounts of rage.

* * *

**Scott:** Never have I ever... accepted the terms and conditions without reading them.

 **Kurt:** It’s too risky!

 **Jean:** Left a movie without watching the credits.

 **Kurt:** Zose people vorked hard!

 **Kitty:** Used more than the recommended amount of conditioner.

 **Kurt:** Zey make ze conditioner. Zey know vat zey are doing.

* * *

**Piotr:** I pretend I am all edgy, but in reality, I go to bed at 7:30.

 **Remy:** No offense, Pete, but no one thought you were edgy in the first place.

* * *

**Kurt:** Does anyvone vant to see a butterfly?

 **Kitty:** Sure!

 **Rogue:** NO!

 **Kurt:** _*chucks a stick of butter across the room*_

 **Evan:** Majestic.

* * *

**Magneto:** Nothing is free

 **Todd:** Life is free

 **Lance:** Adventure is free

 **Fred:** Knowledge is free

 **Pietro:** Anything is free if you run fast enough

 **Magneto, pinching his nose:** I can’t believe your my child.

* * *

**Wanda:** Oh my, Pietro, is that a hickey?

 **Pietro:** Oh... uh, this? It’s just a... mosquito bite! Yeah!

 **Lance, entering the kitchen:** G’morning guys.

 **Wanda:** Well hi there, mosquito!

* * *

[Lance covering for the New Mutants]

 **Xavier:** I thought you said you stole the jet?!

 **Lance:** Yeah but I lied

* * *

**Magneto:** We need to talk about your professionalism.

 **St. John, standing on a chair:** Those are some mighty brave words for a guy standing in lava.

* * *

**Lance:** You think Todd, Fred, Pietro, Wanda and I are immature?

 **Scott:** Yes, exactly.

 **Lance:** Guys, what do you think?

 **Wanda:** Well, first of all, Scott doesn’t get to play in our pillow fort with that kind of attitude.

* * *

**Jubilee:** I like a man who’s environmentally conscious

 **Ray, pointing out a window:** That’s a cloud.

* * *

**Xavier:** And Cannonball? Try not to trash the house while I’m gone.

 **Sam, sighing:** Get the mansion blown up ONE TIME and you just can’t let it go, can you?

* * *

**Evan:** If you water water, it grows.

 **Ororo:**...What.

 **Hank:** He’s got a point.

* * *

**Pietro:** You almost died!!!

 **Lance:** Oh, I am so sorry. Next time when death knocks on my door, I will say “Can’t go. Pietro said no.”

* * *

[John and Wanda’s wedding]

 **Hank:** You may now read the vows you have prepared.

 **St. John, nervously:** I think I misunderstood the assignment...

 **Wanda:** Just read what you have honey.

 **St. John:** Okay _*takes a deep breath*_ A, E, I, O, U

* * *

[John texting Remy]

 **St. John:** Hey

 **St. John:** Did you poison me yesterday?

 **St. John:** Be honest

* * *

[Wanda trying to learn slang after getting out of the asylum]

 **Wanda:** What are friends with benefits?

 **Lance:** Um... a very special type of friend...

 **Wanda:** Oh, like us!

 **Lance:** _*chokes*_

* * *

**Xavier:** Would you say you’re independent?

 **Pietro:** _*looks over at Magneto*_

 **Magneto:** _*nods*_

 **Pietro:** I’d say so, yes.

* * *

**Mystique:** I forbid you to take another step down those stairs!

 **Todd:** Okay

 **Todd:** _*yeets himself out the window*_

* * *

[The Brotherhood and X-Men trying to break into the building to save Mystique and Xavier]

 **Pietro:** Daniels, quick, give me your credit card

 **Evan:** _*hands over card*_

 **Pietro, pocketing it:** Great. Summers, blast down the door.

* * *

**Victor giving Pietro advice:** The quickest way to a man’s heart is between the fourth and fifth ribs-

 **Magneto from the other room:** Sabertooth, what are you telling my son?

* * *

**Wanda:** Did you eat my powdered doughnuts?

 **Fred with his mouth full:** No...

 **Wanda:** Then what’s that white powder on your shirt?

 **Fred:**...Cocaine?

* * *

**Logan:** I think you have PTSD.

 **Pietro:** Yeah, I have PTSD. Proficient talent for sucking dick!

 **Logan:** I think we also need to talk about your use of humor as a coping mechanism.

 **Pietro:** Pops, I don’t think you understand how clever what I just said was.

* * *

**Amara:** Can you do me a weird favor without asking any questions?

 **Tabitha:** Isn’t that the bedrock in which our relationship is founded on?

* * *

**Rogue:** What did I do to deserve this? I’m a good person!

 **Jean:** You once pushed me down the stairs because I teased you about your bedhead.

 **Rogue:** That wasn’t because I’m a bad person, that’s just because I don’t like you.

* * *

**Hank:** I am, as the kids say, awake.

 **Ororo:** Don’t you mean woke?

 **Hank:** Yes, but that is grammatically incorrect.

* * *

**Amara:** Hey can you help me with my zipper?

 **Tabitha:** Of course

**Amara:**

**Amara:** UP, Tabby.

 **Tabitha:** Right, sorry

* * *

[The Brotherhood binge watching Disney movies]

 **Wanda:** I relate to Belle because she loves books and likes people for who they are.

 **Pietro:** I relate to Tinkerbell because she needs attention or she dies.

* * *

**Evan:** You’ve heard of elf on the shelf, now get ready for thot in a pot!

 **Evan:** _*throws a pot at Jean*_

 **Jean:** Get ready for a bitch in a ditch.

* * *

[At the Mall]

 **Lance loses the boys:** Excuse me? I lost my brothers. Can I make an announcement?

 **Worker:** Of course.

 **Lance, leaning into the mic:** Goodbye you little shits.

* * *

**Scott:** In 20 years, I guarantee you I’ll be Jean’s second husband.

 **Kurt:** Who vas her first?

 **Scott:** Duncan.

 **Kurt:** Vat happened to him?

 **Scott:** Nothing you can prove.

* * *

**Mystique:** Do you know how I chose you to be on my team?

 **Todd:** I assumed you’d lost a bet.

* * *

**Jubilee:** Today in class, the teacher said ‘You’ll never truly know someone well enough to marry until you’ve seen them struggle financially, grieve a lost one, or witness them while they’re sick.’ And that just hit deep.

 **Ray:** So what I’m hearing is that on our first date I should freeze your assets, kill one of your loved ones, and poison your fucking dinner.

 **Jubilee:** I- please don’t.


	3. Text Memes 3

**Jean:** You know what strength is? It’s forgiving someone who wasn’t even sorry.

 **Rogue:** Not to be dramatic, but I would literally rather die.

* * *

**Remy trying to flirt with Rogue on the train:** So... come here often?

 **Rogue:** You kidnapped me, Gambit.

* * *

**Mystique:** Your insolence goes too far.

 **Pietro:** Wrong, it can go a lot further.

* * *

**Scott:** I almost choked to death last night!

 **Pietro:** You’ll be fine. Next time you just have to stay still and breathe through your nose before you take more.

**Scott:**

**Scott:** I was talking about choking on food... what were you talking about?

 **Pietro, no longer making eye contact:** I was talking about choking on... stuff in general.

 **Evan, not looking up from his phone:** Lance is stuff in general.

* * *

**Mystique:** I love all my team equally: Wanda, Lance...

 **Mystique:** _*looks at a smudged name on hand*_ Togg?

* * *

**Wanda:** I am not lying on the floor physically, but I am lying on the floor spiritually.

* * *

**Scott:** Anybody under 5’7 can’t be talking about fighting anyone. Like, what are you gonna do? Headbutt someone in the nipples?

 **Kitty:** Say goodbye to your kneecaps, fucker.

* * *

**Fred, shining a light under the bed:** Wanda, are you ready to come out and socialize with people?

 **Wanda:** _*demonic screeching*_

 **Fred:** Understandable, I’ll let you know when dinner’s ready.

* * *

**Magneto:** Alright, what time does the Judgmental Express arrive?

 **Piotr:** Mystique gets here at noon.

* * *

**Scott:** Are you alright? Did you get any sleep last night?

 **Alex:** I got a solid 8 minutes.

 **Alex:** Not consecutively, but it’s still fine. You’re not even that blurry.

* * *

**Wanda:** I need advice.

 **Tabitha, eating brownie batter for breakfast:** You came to the right person.

* * *

**Mystique:** I have the sharpest memory! Name one time I forgot something.

 **Magneto:** You left me unconscious in the back alley of an iHop three weeks ago.

 **Mystique:** I did that on purpose, try again.

* * *

**Kitty, phasing into her and Rogue’s room:**...Why are you naked?!

 **Rogue:** I, uh... don’t have any clothes?

 **Kitty, opening Rogue’s closet:** What are you talking about, you have a ton of clothes in here! Jeans, shirts, a bunch of hoodies, hi Gambit, shoes- wait.

**Kitty:**

**Rogue:**

**Remy:**

**Kitty:** Are those my boots? What the hell, I’ve been looking for those-

* * *

**Lance addressing The Brotherhood:** Alright, listen up you little shits.

 **Lance:** Not you, Wanda, you’re an angel and we’re thrilled to have you.

* * *

**Xavier:** Hey Logan, what’s up?

 **Logan:** _*watching Kurt trying to put floaties on his feet so he can walk on water, while Rogue and Scott egg him on, Kitty filming and Evan holding back a very concerned Jean*_

**Logan:**

**Logan:** My stress levels, Charles.

* * *

**Wanda texting Rogue:** The great thing about coffee is that it cures exhaustion at 11 pm and enables me to write a bomb ass paper

 **Rogue:** What’s the downside?

 **Wanda:** The downside is that it’s now 3 am and the only thing I want to do is cha cha real smooth

* * *

**Scott:** Damnit, Alex, get off the table!

 **Alex, standing on a table in the middle of McDonalds:** I ASKED FOR TWO LARGE FRIES!

 **Alex:** _*throws bag of fries*_

 **Alex:** BUT INSTEAD I GOT A HUNDRED FUCKIN’ LITTLE ONES!

* * *

[Todd working his first day as a waiter]

 **Customer:** I’ll have a martini, dry.

 **Todd, looking at all the liquids:** I don’t know how to tell you this-

* * *

**Jean:** I think I have an A in history. Scott, what do you have?

 **Scott:** Crippling anxiety.

* * *

[Wanda and Tabitha chilling]

 **Wanda:** What time is it?

 **Tabitha:** I don’t know, hand me that saxophone.

 **Tabitha:** _*blows into the saxophone*_

 **Lance from two rooms over:** WHO THE FUCK IS PLAYING THE SAXOPHONE AT 2 AM?!

 **Tabitha:** It’s 2 am.

* * *

**Mystique:** Having something to care for can improve one’s mental health.

 **Magneto:** Like a kid?

 **Mystique:** Well yes, but I was thinking more like a plant or-

 **Magneto:** I already have two, and I don’t see how the twins are improving my mental health in any way.

* * *

[In the middle of the battle]

 **Ray:** I guess you could say I’ve... fallen for you.

**Jubilee:**

**Ray:**

**Jubilee:** You were literally just thrown down an entire flight of stairs, how are you alive?

* * *

**Xavier, teaching Scott to drive:** Okay, so you’re driving and Lance steps into the road suddenly. Quick, what do you hit?

 **Scott:** Oh, definitely Lance.

 **Xavier, rubbing his temples:** The brakes, Scott. You hit the brakes.

* * *

**Evan:** It’s at times like this in which I wish I had listened to what Auntie O said.

 **Pietro:** What did she say?

 **Evan:** I don’t know, I didn’t listen.

* * *

**Hank:** What state do you live in?

 **Wanda:** Constant anxiety.

 **Lance:** Denial.

 **Pietro:** Perfection.

 **Rogue:** New York?

* * *

[Tabitha and Amara in jail for blowing something up]

 **Tabitha:** So who should we call?

 **Amara:** I’d call Logan, but I feel safer in jail.

* * *

**Kurt, with his foot stuck in a chair:** You may be wondering, “Kurt, how did you get yourself into zis?”

**Jean, watching in concern:**

**Kurt:**

**Kurt, with tears in his eyes:** Vell, Kurt doesn’t know either.

* * *

[Evan and Pietro mid-fight]

 **Evan:** Did it hurt when you fell?

 **Pietro, scoffing:** From what? Heaven?

 **Evan:** No, from that hill over there. You tripped on a rock and just kinda laid there.

**Pietro:**

**Evan:** We all saw it.

* * *

**Wanda:** Pietro won’t come out of his room.

 **Todd:** Just tell him I said something.

 **Wanda:** Like what?

 **Todd:** Anything factually incorrect.

 **Pietro, appearing a few moments later:** I’m sorry, did you just say that the sun is a planet?

* * *

**Mystique, walking into the kitchen:** Oh, Fred did the dishes after lunch!

 **Todd:** How do you know I didn’t do them?

 **Mystique:** Because once when all the knives were dirty, I watched you cut a bagel in half with Lance’s keys.

* * *

[Fighting Apocalypse]

 **Scott:** Who’s turn is it to give a pep talk?

 **Wanda:** I think it’s Lance’s?

 **Lance:** Fuck shit up and don’t die.

 **Sam:**...Inspirational!

* * *

**Kitty, jokingly:** Why don’t you just go back to hell?

 **Wanda, dead serious:** Oh I would, but Satan’s got a restraining order on me.

 **Kitty:** _*PANIC*_

* * *

**Scott:** _*using both hands to carry groceries*_

 **Jean, reaching out:** Here, let me-

 **Scott:** _*switches all the bags into one hand and holds Jean’s hand*_

 **Jean:** That’s not what I- okay.

* * *

**Pietro:** What do you get if you put me, Lance, Evan, and Scott into a room?

 **Jean:** Hell.

 **Wanda:** Chaos.

 **Rogue:** Pain.

 **Kitty:** A disaster.

 **Pietro:** No, guys, a good time-

* * *

**Tabitha:** All my clothes keep fucking disappearing, it’s creeping me the hell out

 **Amara, wearing her hoodie:** Spooky

* * *

**Rogue:** Gambit reminds me of mah parent.

 **Remy, smug:** In the sense that you would want to call me “Daddy”?

 **Rogue:** In the sense that Ah hate you.

* * *

**Evan:** You were injured during the fight, what do you remember?

 **Kitty:** Just the ambulance ride

 **Jean:** We didn’t take an ambulance though. Scott drove us

 **Kitty:** But I heard a siren?

 **Rogue:** Oh, that was Kurt

 **Kurt:** Sorry! I vas nervous 

* * *

[Pietro and Lance in the jeep]

 **Pietro:** _*turns on Lance’s seat warmer*_

 **Pietro:** Gotta warm up my snack.

 **Lance:**...You’re gonna eat my ass?

* * *

**Magneto, sputtering:** WHO PUT SALT IN MY COFFEE?

 **Wanda:** Who indeed. * _sips tea*_

* * *

[Wanda trying out pickup lines]

 **Wanda:** I love your shirt, Johnny

 **St. John:** Thanks, it was a 50% off

 **Wanda:** I’d like it 100% off

 **St. John:** The store can’t just give out free stuff...

 **Wanda:** No, John, that’s not-

 **St. John, oblivious:** That’s a terrible way to run a business, love

 **Remy in the other room:** _*banging his head against the wall*_

* * *

[Conversations between The Brotherhood and X-Men when they’re forced to be civil]

 **Evan:** What’s the difference between something being poisonous or venomous?

 **Scott:** If you bite it and you die, it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it’s venomous.

 **Todd:** What happens if it bites me and it dies?

 **Lance:** That means your poisonous, Todd.

 **Kitty:** What if it bites itself and I die?

 **Jean:** Voodoo.

 **Kurt:** Vat if we bite each other and no one dies?

 **Pietro:** That’s kinky. _*winks at Lance*_

* * *

**St. John:** You’re giving me a sticker.

 **Piotr:** Not just any sticker. That’s a sticker of a kitty saying “Me-wow!”

 **St. John:** I’m not a child.

 **Piotr, shrugging:** Debatable, but fine, I’ll take it back.

 **St. John:** I earned this, back off.

* * *

**Scott:** What are your three biggest fears?

 **Lance:** Getting stuck on a boat with you three times.

* * *

**Kurt:** Hey, Scott, do you have a book about turtles I could borrow?

 **Scott:** Hardback?

 **Kurt:** Yeah... with the little heads.

* * *

**Sam:** Would you like a drink?

 **Lance:** What are my options?

 **Sam:**...Yes or no?


End file.
